The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
