I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
