I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
