Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
