I am spending my child support on dildos
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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