Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
