just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
