I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
