would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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