I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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