I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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