Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
