WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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