That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What a dumb baby whore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
