i barfeds in our rink
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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