im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
