Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
