I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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