I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
