yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
