I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
