thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
