...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
