Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
