sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just invented taco cereal.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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