Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
