you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
