So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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