Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
