i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
