I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
