it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
