When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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