so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
