I will die if light touches me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
