you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
COCAINE IS GR8
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