She said her name was "party"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
