Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
