In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
