Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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