Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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