Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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