That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
