I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
