remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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