its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
