drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
