I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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