wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
