he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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