We got so high we made milksteak
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
