just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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